epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:LeandroDaVinci/TWD: ERB Edition - Episode 2 - Cancer Man
Deep blue sky with fluffy clouds overhead. It’s the Albuquerque desert, rocks and dead trees alike clutter the ground. An RV is in the middle of the frame, a middle aged bald man is standing his ground with a gun on his right hand. He is in his underpants, sweating. From the back of his underpants he takes out a cellphone. Looks at it, wrong one. Throws it in the ground takes out another one, flips it out and calls someone. WALTER WHITE: Come on...pick the damn thing up, Jesse... Jesse doesn’t pick up. Instead, he gets his answering machine. ANSWERING MACHINE: Yo, yo, yo. 148-3 to the 3 to th- Walter slams the cell phone on the RV’s window. He can see his reflection on the broken glass. He starts coughing and coughing, uncontrollably. The cough brings him to the ground, the hot grounds of the desert can almost burn his skin. In his hand, which he covered his mouth with, is blood. His blood. He composes himself and picks up the other cellphone from the ground and calls someone else. WALTER: Skyler...I....I am going to be late for dinner... He seems to get a preoccupied response. His voice is raspy. WALTER: I have a lot of work, yes...I...look, just don’t wait for me. The altered voice of his wife can be hearable from the cellphone. WALTER: Listen...listen for once...please..., Skyler, no matter what they tell about me. You need to know, I did it for you. For the family, for Walter Jr. and our little Holly... He cracks a little smile, thinking about his children. A tear comes down his sullen face. WALTER: Walter Jr., my big man...take care... call Hank... He’ll help you. We can finally see what is he seeing, a pickup is coming his way. It is far enough but it will be very close in a couple of minutes. He looks at his gun. WALTER: Goodbye, Skyler. He closes the cellphone and throws it back to the ground. Now with a serious face, he steps forward and rises his gun. He is ready to shoot anything he sees. ---- Bill and Ted zoom through the supermarket in a shopping cart. Bill’s inside it and Ted is driving. As they start to go faster, Ted steers the cart closer to the shelves and Bill starts throwing things in. TED: Next stop; the Munchies Aisle, dudes! BILL: Let’s get some Doritos! As they turn to the next aisle, they almost hit a woman. There’s something about her, she’s familiar. She turns around. MARILYN MONROE: You could have hit me with the cart, you morons. Ted recognizes her immediately. Bill is taking his time. TED: Oh... I’m so sorry, we were just having fun and th- Bill finally recognizes her. BILL: Weren’t you dead, babe? Marilyn froze. She can’t believe it. MARILYN MONROE: Babe? I can get behind that but...dead? Honey, just because I am not longer starring in big production feature films does not mean that I am dead. Bill’s about to respond but Ted steps in. TED: I’m sorry again, Ms. Monroe. Bill, my dude here, didn’t mean any disrespect towards your most excellent career. Marilyn just takes a long look at them, probably judging them. Looks at their cart. It’s full of white bread and soda. She dramatically turns around and leaves. Ted sighs heavily and smacks Bill’s head. BILL: What’s that for, dude? TED: You could’ve gotten us into serious trouble, dude! Don’t you see what you almost did? BILL: Well... no. That’s why I’m asking you. Right? TED: Jeez, dude. You’re even dumber than Ms. Monroe. You just said to her face that she bit the dust, dude. Bill thinks. BILL: Oh. TED: You see now, dude? Damn. You gotta be more careful, one would think that you would be after all this time travel. Bill picks up a loaf of bread and looks as it, examines it as he thoughtfully speaks. BILL: You know, dude. It’s hard to see dudes and babes just standing here, one week away, dude. They’re just one week away from dying. And we can’t do shit... TED: Look, dude. We don’t want to mess up things even more. We already learned. You saw it yourself, there was no way of avoiding the walkers. It was going to happen. We can’t do anything about any of it. Bill gets out of the cart and throws the loaf back in and starts walking. BILL: Let’s just go get Beethoven’s Doritos, dude. Ted follows him silently. ---- The telephone booth appears in the middle of a cracked, dusty and lonely road. Bill and Ted come out of it carrying loads of white bread, sodas, various chips and Doritos. BILL: We’ve got the munchies, my dudes! It’s a gas station, Terminator is loading gas into various gas cans, four are seen. He sees Bill and Ted, drops the gas can he is currently filling and does an air guitar, with an expressionless face. TERMINATOR: Party on, dudes. Bill passes right by him. BILL: We still gotta work on that, tin can. Terminator looks at Ted who shrugs and continues to fill gas cans. The pickup truck they’re using is behind the gas station. Bill and Ted go to it just to see Beethoven teaching a shaky Socrates how to shoot. Lucky for them, a walker has been pinned to the wall with a stop sign. BEETHOVEN: Now, steady, Zeus. Give it all you got. SOCRATES: Oh, o...kay. Socrates misses. The bullet was heard but not seen. BEETHOVEN: Goddammit. Beethoven exhales with his hands resting on his knees. Socrates hands him the handgun. SOCRATES: It is simply not for me, Ludwig. BEETHOVEN: We’ll try again, and you’ll get the hang of it. Bill and Ted look at each other. BILL: Hey, dudes, we got your order right here. Lunch break! SOCRATES: Wonderful, William! Beethoven and Socrates come to them and look at what they just brought. BEETHOVEN: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. BILL: What? Don’t you love Doritos, dude? We brought them just for you. BEETHOVEN: Chips don’t constitute food in my book, Bill. SOCRATES: Be grateful, Ludwig! The kids just brought you a good meal! Beethoven exhales again and takes the Doritos out of Bill’s arms and goes back into the pickup. BEETHOVEN: I’ll go eat, privately. As Beethoven closes the pickup door, a nearby shotgun is heard, and another. Bill and Ted throw the food to Socrates who falls with it to the ground. They run to the front of the gas station and see Terminator fighting walkers, in the distance, a huge hoard of them is coming. Bill runs to the back again. Ted grabs his handgun. TERMINATOR: They have caught up. TED: Fuck. Alright, Bill...Bill? The pick up truck comes out of nowhere and it rams over the walkers Terminator was fighting. Bill opens the door. BILL: Come on, dudes, get inside, now! Terminator throws all the gas cans in. Beethoven starts to snipe some of the walkers out of the window. Bill sits in the passenger seat as Terminator and Ted try to carry the telephone booth to the pickup. SOCRATES: Theodore, leave it! Ted looks at the telephone booth again and sees that not even with Terminator’s strength can they move it fast enough before the walkers are upon them. TED: I can’t, So-crates, it’s the last thing Rufus left me. I can’t leave it here, dude! As he says this, Terminator picks him up and run towards the pickup. TERMINATOR: He left me. TED: No, dude, let me go! They both jump to the back as Bill again takes the wheel. TERMINATOR: Now. Bill steps on the gas as they go as fast as they can, leaving the horde behind. Leaving the telephone booth behind. Walkers start to catch up with it, some smash their heads in the booth. The booth falls over and it is just now part of the highway. ---- The pickup is close. Walter is still pointing at it with his gun. WALTER: I don’t have anything to do with Tuco’s death! He screams as a big muscular leather wearing man gets out of the truck. WALTER: Don’t come any closer! The big man just keeps walking towards him. Ruthless. Emotionless. Walter looks away and shoots him. He looks back and the man is standing right in front of him, the bullet in his chest. He isn’t fazed. WALTER: W...wh....what? Ted comes into the picture. Exhausted. He is in the middle of Walter and the Terminator. TED: Party on, dude! Terminator just looks at him. TED: Remember, dude? This is not the way you do things anymore. The Terminator walks forward, going to the RV. Walter steps in front, blocking him. WALTER: You are not going in there! TERMINATOR: It is my mission to keep Bill and Ted safe in this apocalyptic world, this here vehicle seems in perfec- WALTER: Apocalyptic world? Heh. He laughs. WALTER: Alright...so you’re just crackheads looking for something to get high to...I get it. I haven’t cooked anything, trust me. Terminator is just looking at him. TED: Do we look like crackheads, dude? Ted closes on him. Terminator signals the pickup to get closer. WALTER: Come on now, the apocalypse? Give me a break! The pickup is now right beside the RV. Beethoven, Bill and Socrates get out of it carrying supplies. BILL: Are we cool or nah, dudes? TED: Look, mister, let me explain. Uhm, well, you know, the world has gone bogus. There are these biters that, well, I don’t know how to say this... WALTER: What, zombies? You’re joking? BILL: We are not, dude. Walter now notices the blood on their clothes. Their dirty and sweaty faces. The supplies they’re carrying. WALTER: You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve got to be kidding me! Anxious, full of fear. Almost tear dropping out of his eyes. Gets in the RV and turns it on. WALTER: I have to see it for myself! He puts his foot on the gas. Full force but the RV doesn’t move. He screams and looks at the door. The Terminator is holding the RV. TERMINATOR: You are not leaving without us. Walter slams his hands on the wheel. WALTER: Alright, alright, let’s go, now! ---- The RV rushes through Albuquerque, the skies are cloudy and the atmosphere hints at rain yet to come. Walter is driving like a nutjob. He is screaming. The Terminator is hanging out of the window with his shotgun. Bill is eating chips and Ted and Socrates are standing up right beside the driver seat. TED: Mister, I think you should chill, dude... WALTER: Shut up! There’s bodies everywhere as we start to see Walter’s house in the distance. Walter is horrified. He finally stops in the driveway of his house. WALTER: Oh my god... He stumbles out of the RV, nearly falling. Hank is laying on the driveway, his stomach ripped open and Marie is chomping on him, zombified. WALTER: Marie...? The Terminator gets out as Marie notices people. She gets up and lunges forward, Terminator stops her with a shotgun shell to the face. Her skull explodes as pieces of her brain cover the garage door. Walter is shaking, and looks at Terminator angrily, you can tell he is almost about to explode. TERMINATOR: Go check on your family. Walter remembers his family, the door is open. And there’s blood marks on it. Walter goes inside. He sees Walter Jr. from the back, kneeled around Holly’s crib. WALTER: Oh, thank god, let me help you, Junior. Let’s get out of here. Walter Jr turns around. Blood on his mouth as Holly’s one white crib bars are now stained in vibrant red blood. He wobbles towards Walter. Ted enters the house. TED: Mister...? WALTER: No, no, no, no! Junior! It’s me, your dad... Ted lunges and stabs Walter Jr in the head. His head thumps in the carpet floor. Walter is broken, crying. Kneeling in the living of his house. Ted looks at him. A shadow emerges from the kitchen. WALTER: Skyler...? Oh, Skyler! It moves forward. WALTER: This is so horrible, honey... My little boy and my girl.... I’m...I don’t know... We can get through this, I know....I know we will! Skyler finally steps into the sun light that comes through the door. She is a walker. Her jaw is falling off and almost her whole right cheek is missing. WALTER: No, no, no! He is out of it. His mouth is shaking. Ted steps forward. Walter collapses, he starts to laugh maniacally, he falls to the floor, laughing his head off as Skyler is put down by Ted. TED: I’m...I’m sorry, mister... Bill enters the room. BILL: We gotta go, dude! It’s getting really ugly out he-Oh. What the hell happened here? TED: Excuse me, mister...we’ve got to... BILL: Ted, dude, we gotta go, now! Ted looks at him. TED: We have to take him with us, dude. WALTER: Leave me alone... BILL: But we gotta- WALTER: Leave me alone! Let me die with my family! Ted looks at Bill again. TED: We can’t. Bill goes outside and the Terminator comes in and picks Walter up, carrying him out. Ted follows them. We can see Walter’s face. He is still hysterical. The door closes. ---- Terminator is driving. The RV is dead silent. Bill and Ted are sleeping. Beethoven is writing sheet music on the walls. Socrates is staring at a damaged Walter playing with a Better Call Saul match. TERMINATOR: We are here. Walter exhales. Gets up, picks up his hat and opens the RV’s door. The Terminator gets up but Walter stops him. WALTER: I can do this on my own... Looks to his side and Socrates is offering his handgun. SOCRATES: I don’t use it. Walter takes it and goes outside. Looks at the sky. We are at Jesse’s house. His door is open and the driveway is full of leaves. He is in car, zombified. His gut is stuck in the broken glass window. He notices Walter coming closer and tries to lunger forward. His arms are waggly and his jaw is popping and popping. WALTER: Hello, Jesse. I, I lost my family today. Every single member of my family is dead. Horrible deaths...same as you. He cleans a tear away from his face. WALTER: I’ll become strong. I need to be. A part of me was expecting to see you kicking and breathing, or maybe even high. But the rest knew, I knew, I wouldn’t find you alive. He points the gun at Jesse. WALTER: I wish we could’ve met in different circumstances. I’m...I’m sorry. He looks directly to him and shoots him. He looks to the ground, kneels and drops his hat onto the ground. He walks away and gets into the RV. The RV speeds away. Walkers start to appear into Jesse’s driveway. One of them steps on Walter’s hat. Category:Blog posts